


It's Still Me

by hwandeu



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-02
Updated: 2019-03-02
Packaged: 2019-11-08 01:30:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17971910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hwandeu/pseuds/hwandeu
Summary: When your ex boyfriend, Kim Jaehwan came to your house in drunk state at midnight, you just can't help to let him in. But he didn't just ask to go inside of your house, but also to your heart once again.





	It's Still Me

**Author's Note:**

> This one-shot is based on Yoon Jisung - 왜 내가 아닌지 (Why It's Not Me) in his solo album. Please show a lot of love to the album, the songs are really warm <3

One glass, two glasses.

 

You took a deep breath after drinking two glasses of soju in one time. The bitter taste from soju bit your tongue and throat so hard but you can’t say something about it. Because the bitter feeling inside of your heart was much bigger than it.

 

Breakup. It’s something that you never imagine will happen into your life. A dream to have first and last relationship with someone is always on your mind since you were a little pure girl. That’s why, you never know how to react on it. You just kept covering yourself with a fake smile and alcohol at night. With Minhyun, senior who takes care of you from the first year.

 

‘Hey, stop.’

He grabbed your glass when you wanted to drink another shot of soju. You lifted your gaze to see Minhyun and smiled a bit.

‘I’m okay, Oppa.’

‘No, you’re not.’ Minhyun bit his lower lip, ‘You’re a mess now.’

‘I’m not,’ You slowly moved your hand to grab the soju bottle but Minhyun was faster to move it farther from your range. You stared at Minhyun fiercely when he did that but he didn’t move an inch at all. He was stern, mostly angry with what you did.

 

‘Why did you break up with him if you regret it like this?’ Minhyun’s voice tone was increased, ‘Why should you ruin yourself like this?’

You watched Minhyun’s expression for a while before the tears covering your vision. You bit your lower lip tight to hold your tears, but it fell down at the end.

 

Right. Why did you ask for breakup first to the perfect boyfriend, Kim Jaehwan? Why did you tell him that you don’t love him anymore, you feel bored with him already and…

Was it because of the fluttering feeling that you felt with Minhyun? Or was it because Jaehwan’s busy schedule that made you and him can’t meet each other often? Or was it really… because you don’t love him anymore?

You don’t know anything. Everything just felt wrong, from the start until the end. And you are the one who made everything like this.

You were the villain who need to get the biggest punishment from heaven and earth.

 

 

Minhyun watched you crying silently and he sighed deeply before moving to hug you tight. He let you leaning your head on his chest and burying your face on his white T-shirt. His long fingers were on your back, patting you in a calming beat.

‘I’m sorry. I don’t mean to hurt you but…’ Minhyun caressed your hair softly and continued, ‘It’s okay, I’m here.’

And that’s what happened every day after your breakup. Minhyun’s comfort was the one who helped you to end the day well. His pat on your back was the thing that made you know that you still need to move on soon or later. To have a better life after.

 

 

Minhyun held your hand tight when he dropped you off in front of your apartment. The thunder sound can be heard from the sky and you lifted your head slightly to see the dark sky above.

‘Get in now and take a rest.’ Minhyun didn’t let his hand off from yours, ‘Don’t cry again. Your face looks like a pillow now.’

You laughed a bit and nodded slightly.

‘Go back safely, Oppa. Thank you… as always.’

Minhyun smiled and he slowly let his hand off from yours. He pushed you to get inside first but you insisted that you want to watch him going first. Minhyun knew he can’t win over you, and he let you standing in front of your apartment while watching him disappear slowly from your vision.

You sighed. It felt suffocated again when you’re alone. You need a warm cleanup and good sleep for this kind of feeling. And that’s why you moved slowly to your apartment and went to clean yourself with warm water.

Not long after, you heard a bell sound from your front door. You walked out from the bathroom and watched the front door for minutes. A lot of questions were on your head when you kept hearing the bell sound non stop and you just pushed yourself to do the worst thing ever.

 

 

You slowly moved the door handle to see the person in front of your door and you widened your eyes when you saw a familiar face right there.

‘Jae…Jaehwan?’

He lifted his head and saw you with his red eyes. He smiled faintly and lifted his hand to wave, but he lost control on his own body and fell down at the end. Your reflex made you holding his shoulder tight and it made you squatting in front of him, meeting his gaze perfectly.

‘What… what are you doing here?’

You can smell the strong alcohol scent from him. He’s someone who can drink but never drink too much, but now he came to you with his drunk state. You somehow know what’s the reason of this, but you didn’t want to mention it at all in front of him.

Jaehwan laughed bitterly. He watched you for seconds and moved his right hand to hold your face softly.

He called your name slowly, like it’s a word that it’s so hard to come out from his lips. And when you heard that, it ripped your heart completely.

Just how, why, you ruined a perfect man like this.

‘You need to go home, Jaehwan.’

‘I don’t have that,’ he answered it in mumbling voice, ‘I don’t have home since you’re not beside me.’

‘Kim Jaehwan,’ you lifted your head when you heard the elevator was opened and your neighbors came out from it. They watched you carefully and you gave them an awkward smile before turning to Jaehwan who still looked down.

‘Let’s… just get inside first.’ You used the rest energy that you had to make Jaehwan standing properly and letting him walk to your house. He leaned his body completely to you which made you falling to the right wall beside you and you cringed a bit because of that. But Jaehwan didn’t lift his head at all. He was still looking down, not trying to look on you like before.

You put Jaehwan on your black couch and he laid down properly there with his closed eyes. His long legs were hanging on the other side and you turned to see what you can do with that. But when you moved slightly, Jaehwan caught your fingers with his long beautiful fingers weakly.

‘Why.’

You turned to see him.

‘Why.’

You knew what he wanted to say and you prayed hard that Jaehwan won’t say it.

‘Why… is it not me?’

He opened his eyes slowly and saw you with his teary eyes. Jaehwan that you know is the boy who never cries. But he was near to cry now in front of you, with this messy situation.

‘Why. Why. Why should we be like this?’

Jaehwan was choked by his own words. He bit his lower lip tight and continued, ‘Why?’

‘Jaehwan,’ you dared yourself to call his name once again, ‘You’re really drunk now, you need to…’

Jaehwan suddenly pulled you tight and made you fell down to his body hard. Your face was facing his directly and the alcohol scent was stronger than before due to the small distance between you and him.

‘I… I miss you.’

Three words that came out from Jaehwan’s lips before he moved his hand to drag you closer and kiss you. You were flustered with it and tried to stop him, but he strongly put his arms around you and made you can’t move. You blinked twice and tried to think more, but your body reacted faster than what you want. In seconds, you slowly closed your eyes and replied his kiss that got deeper than ever.

When Jaehwan realized that you slowly moved in his rhythm, he let his lips off from yours for a while and watched you carefully.

‘You… You miss me, right?’

You blinked rapidly when you heard that question.

A few seconds silence made Jaehwan smirking and said, ‘The silence already answered me.’

He moved to kiss you again but you pushed him, ‘No. We can’t do this.’

‘Why can’t we? We’re still in love.’

‘No…’  you noticed your shakened voice and shook your head lightly, ‘Jaehwan, we’re over. We can’t work on this anymore. We will just hurt each other again and…’

‘Then let’s hurt each other once again tonight.’ Jaehwan pulled you again and another deep kiss he gave to your lips. You tried again to release yourself from him. But he already moved your body to his right side and trapped you in your own couch.

‘Jaehwan…’ You still used your energy to stop him, but he didn’t stop at all. Jaehwan slowly moved his hands to roam your stomach and it made you widening your eyes.

‘Jae… please…’ You bit his lips and it made him getting crazier than ever. He moved to kiss your neck and shoulder which made you slowly losing your control to your own body.

Jaehwan still knew well how to make you turn on. He slowly used his teeth and tongue to make a mark on your body and you groaned lightly because of it. You grabbed his shoulders tight with your hands and his name was coming out from your lips softly because of his move.

‘Jae… stop…’

‘No, you don’t want it to be stopped.’ Jaehwan met your gaze for a while and panted. You cursed yourself to find him look freaking sexy and mesmerizing that time with sweats on his forehead and that fierce gaze.

‘I want to prove that you still love me. I want to prove that we still need to be together. Like before. Happily. Ever after.’

Jaehwan took off his black jacket and T-Shirt quickly on top of you and you bit your lower lip because of it. He looked much thinner that time and it made you cursing yourself once again. But you can’t think about others since Jaehwan already moved to lift your T-shirt and take it off as well.

‘Jaehwan…’ you held his hands on the tip of your T-Shirt, ‘We… we will hurt each other more.’

‘No, we won’t.’ Jaehwan moved to whisper your ears, ‘Believe me. I will show why it’s still me.’

Jaehwan kissed you again with softer move and he slowly moved his hands to lift your T-Shirt. You didn't know what happened but you noticed how you really lost your control to your own body that time. You lifted your body slightly so he can slip your T-Shirt and take it off easier. And when he succeed on it, he smiled and lifted his head to watch your top properly.

'I know I shouldn't say this but,' Jaehwan stopped for seconds, 'You're really beautiful.'

Those words sent more butterflies to your stomach and he slowly moved his hands to touch your bosom with his fingers. You flinched, and it made him looking to your face carefully.

'It will be always me who can do this.' Jaehwan slowly kissed your bosom and moved his right hand to your back, in order to release your black bra from your body. You can't think well when you felt his hot breath on your skin. It burnt your skin completely and you bit your lower lip tighter than before.

Jaehwan knew you're in a rush just like him. But he just can't let it end fast.

 

He slowly took your bra off from you and he gave sweet pecks on your bosom. You groaned and turned to see him who moved down one inch by one inch. You can't say anything since you didn't want this to happen at first but you really wanted Jaehwan to just start the game.

But he didn't for minutes or maybe hours. He enjoyed himself to wander on your body with his lips and tongue, and it made you going completely crazy. You grabbed some of his soft hair with your hands and said with a shakened voice, 'Jaehwan... please...'

'What?'

He watched you from there and it made you crazier when you saw him holding your tip of short pants, ready to take it off.

'Just...' You gulped, 'Can't we just... end this soon?'

'No. I want to leave my trace in every inch of your body. I want to...'

'I'm sorry.'

 

Jaehwan stopped his words when he noticed you covering your face with your hands. Not long, he can hear you sobbing slowly and it hurt his heart completely.

He moved to your face and kissed your hands, asking you to not covering your face anymore.

'I'm sorry. I'm sorry to make you being a mess like this. I'm sorry to hurt you. I shouldn't meet you at first. I shouldn't start this with you so you won't get hurt and became a mess like this. I'm sorry.'

You sobbed harder and Jaehwan bit his lip tight. He slowly moved his hands to hug you tight and it made you moving your hands to hug him like what you usually did before.

'I'm sorry, Jaehwan. I'm sorry.'

Jaehwan held his breath and said, 'No, I'm the one who need to say that. I might be the one who made you want to break up with me but I just can't accept it. I'm sorry.'

'No, I'm...' you hugged Jaehwan tighter and he let you did that for a few minutes before he slowly released his hug from you to watch your face carefully.

 

'You know how I love you so much right?'

Jaehwan kissed the tip of your nose warmly, 'I just... don't want to lose you.'

You bit your lower lip and said, 'Maybe... we can hurt each other once again.'

 

 

'Tonight.'

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

The morning sunshine tickled Jaehwan’s face softly and made him covering his face with the white blanket properly. He groaned and moved to the right side to hug the person beside him tightly like the night before.

Or maybe it’s not a person anymore.

He opened his eyes immediately when he noticed there’s no one beside him. He moved his hand to feel the warmth of last night, but it’s not complete since one person was not there. He moved the blanket and sat on the bed while leaning his back on the wall behind him, trying to recall what happened completely.

But he can’t remember much. All he knew, he succeed on getting something that he wanted.

Or maybe not.

He moved his gaze around and locked it on a paper that was placed on a small table next to him. Jaehwan bit his lips tight and pulled the paper and read what’s written on it slowly.

 

 

 

 

_I’m sorry._

_Even after what happened last night,_

_I just can’t bring myself to say anything._

_Let’s give time to each other for a while._

_Thank you._

_And..._

 

 

 

 

 

‘I miss you too.’

Jaehwan’s tears fell down once again without any notice. He bit his lower lip tight and sighed. The mess that happened last night was still there, but you, who became the main lead of it disappeared again from Jaehwan’s gaze.

Last night might not be the best, but it’s not bad at all. With all of the body languages that Jaehwan made to you and the reaction after, Jaehwan knew how you longed for him like what he did.

And Jaehwan might need to wait a bit longer to have that chance again.

To catch your heart back.

 


End file.
